


Alignment

by writerdot



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Slash, Therapy, codependent detectives, my own interpretation of canon events, post 7x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerdot/pseuds/writerdot
Summary: Steve doesn't know what prompted him to fall apart now, but he's hopefully on his way to figuring it out, with Danny determined to help him any way he can.





	1. Steve

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. *waves* I don't know if anyone remembers me. I kind of popped in for the McDanno challenge a couple years ago. At the time, I was having some issues and never finished it, and also never got around to writing anything else. But this idea grabbed me and wouldn't let go. It's not part of the challenge, which I don't think I will ever finish. But it is post 7x4. I hope you guys like it. :-)

It happens one night, over fish on the grill and Cokes on the beach. Steve doesn’t mean it to. He doesn’t intend to say anything at all. He’s spent a lot of his life keeping his mouth shut on things that would do better talking about, but he just doesn’t know how to do so.

But Danny is having dinner at his house, and it occurs to him as he looks at Danny taking a sip of his Coke, that they haven’t done this lately, just hanging out for the hell of it. It feels as though they’ve spent time getting hurt between working, and bickering, but with no space to breathe in between.

And then there’s the whole Liver Transplant Incident. Steve calls it that in his head, never out loud to Danny, because he knows how big it is, in all rational ways, but still can’t manage to wrap his head around it, especially after he'd read about exactly what happened that day. 

So he’s working the grill, thinking about how things have changed for their friendship. He can’t put his finger on it, can’t decide whether it’s bad or not, but he can sense that whatever it is, is heading down a darker road than he wants.

He only takes about half a second to reconsider what he’s about to say, but before he can really give himself time to change his mind, he just blurts out:

“Why?”

Danny blinks at him, confusion plainly visible on his face. “What?”

Steve blows out a frustrated breath before reaching down and turning off the grill.

“I just…” He doesn’t know, though, that’s the thing. He knows he feels off, that his friendship with Danny feels…out of sorts…but he can’t pinpoint the cause. He doesn’t get why he can’t seem to do anything about it and why Danny keeps trying.

He stops, because he’s not sure where that thought came from…but now that it’s there, something in his head slots into place.

He moves over to the other empty chair facing Danny, but doesn’t look him in the eye.

“You okay?” Danny asks firmly but with an edge of familiar tenderness that has shown up more and more lately.

“I don’t know,” Steve says, and it’s true. He has felt this way for a while, in turns angry, frustrated, and just so tired, but again, the cause keeps eluding him.

Danny sets his soda in the grass and moves his chair closer. “Okay,” he says patiently. “All right, then, want to tell me what you meant when you asked me ‘why?’ Why what?”

Steve looks down at Danny’s knees, peeking out from the casual shorts, anything to avoid looking at Danny’s face, because he feels like he’s been wanting to do this for some time, talk to Danny…he’s sure now that Danny can help him. When he thinks about it, he realizes he’s always known, but maybe wasn’t ready.

He has no idea what’s sparked this need to unload now, but Danny is here, willing to listen, always willing to be there for him, and maybe, just maybe, he can allow himself to make the time.

“Why do you do it?”

Danny tilts his head, sets a hand on his knee. “I’m going to need you to be more specific. Do what?”

“Everything,” Steve answers, a little more desperately than he’d intended. He suddenly, desperately wants to get up, pace, move around, but he suppresses the urge; he isn’t sure he’d stay in this spot if he got out of his chair. The need to get the answers to his questions is almost overwhelming.

“The plane, your liver, hell, Danny,” Steve continues. “Our entire friendship. I’ve been an ass, lately, I know I have, but I can’t…”

He trails off, because everything is getting to be a bit too much. Danny squeezes his knee and Steve looks at his fingers, the familiar tattoos across the knuckles, the slight white tinge from the strength of the grip.

“You don’t know what to do with it all,” Danny finishes for him, the tone of his voice soft and knowing, like he'd been expecting this and had simply been waiting for it.

And just like that, his body folds forward and Danny catches him, wraps his arms around him and doesn’t let go.

Steve doesn’t know how long they sit like that. He honestly hadn’t realized just how hard everything was weighing on him, but he isn’t sure he feels better. He wants to, and he wishes falling apart had helped, but it hadn’t and he thinks he feels worse now than he did before.

He leans away, ready to run, but Danny keeps a firm hand on the back of his neck.

“Steven McGarrett,” Danny chides softly, affection lacing the two words so thickly, Steve can’t not look at his face.

Danny has tears on his cheeks, too. He smiles gently, wipes his own face with his free hand, then swipes a thumb across Steve’s cheekbones.

“After six years, you think I don’t know you by now?” says Danny, that fond smile playing on the corners of his mouth. “I got it okay? Did I get frustrated, hell yes, but you, Steve, you are my best friend. And I know you, I know how that brain of yours works. Why do you think I got back here as soon as I heard about you and Alicia?”

Steve nods, remembers how he felt when he got the text from Danny while he’d been getting patched up at Tripler. How relieved he felt when he read the simple _I’ll be home soon._

“We talked about this, remember? During that stakeout, how you McGarrett men don’t express emotions, right?”

Steve nods again, but doesn’t say anything. When it comes down to it, words are more Danny’s strong suit than his. He should have known Danny knew how Steve felt before he had even bothered to try to figure it out.

“Right,” Danny confirms, squeezing the back of his neck. “So, yes, you have been as ass. But I get it.”

“It’s no excuse,” Steve counters wearily. As grateful as he is that Danny is giving him an easy out, he is able to take a step back and realize all the extra barbs had sharper tones than their bickering even a few years ago, recognizes the times that maybe a slightly hurt expression may have come over Danny’s face in the instances Steve may have gone too far. “I’m sorry.”

Danny sighs, drops the hand from his neck, but lowers it back to Steve’s knee instead. “I can see Guilt, and yes, that is capitalized, taking hold, and really, okay, just stop. Tell your brain to hold it, because I haven’t been much better. It’s not all you, all right? We’ve both been through every imaginable hell these last few years, but you know what?”

Steve shrugs, knows he doesn’t have to answer because Danny seems to have the answers.

“You, my friend-” Danny’s voice is low, firm, and Steve listens, he always listens, even if he doesn’t always agree. “-still need to get it through your head that _I am not going anywhere.”_

And there it is. Danny’s nailed it, what Steve couldn’t name, what’s been eating at him.

Because why wouldn’t Danny leave at some point, too?

“Yeah,” Danny says knowingly. “That’s it, huh? See? I know you.”

Steve finally allows himself a small smile. “It’s a little scary, actually.”

“Yes, well, you’ll get it eventually.”

Steve looks down, Danny grabs his face to bring his gaze back up. “You will.”

“If you say so.”

“I do,” Danny says firmly. Steve huffs a little laugh at that; he’s seen first-hand what happens when Danny makes up his mind about something.

Steve leans back in for another hug. “Danny?”

“Hmm?”

He doesn’t answer right away, isn’t sure if he should, but at this point, he has nothing else to lose. Not to Danny.

“I…I don’t think I’m okay.”

Danny squeezes him tighter. “I know.”

“I don't know what to do about it.”

“I know that, too,” Danny says in his ear. “I have been seeing someone, you know, about Matt…and everything.”

Steve is aware of that, had approved whatever time off Danny had needed.

“Come with me,” Danny suggests, backs away from the hug again, but still staying close enough to touch if needed. “I’m not going to force you, babe, but whenever you’re ready, I will get you in to see my therapist. He’s been great for me; I think he could help you too.”

Steve licks his lips, thinks it over…whenever he’s ready… “You’ll be there if I need you?”

Danny grabs his hand now, gives it a squeeze. “Always.”

 

 


	2. Danny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So a couple people expressed interest in reading more, so I thought I would give it a shot. I have tweaked the summary of the story, just a bit and will add tags as I go. I hope you guys like it and thank you for reading. :-)

When Danny had first made his way hesitantly into the lobby at the office of Doctor Alan Akamai, he’d had the strongest urge to turn around and go out the way he’d come in. Somehow, he’d tamped it down. In turn, he was greeted by Michelle, the receptionist, seated behind a wooden brown desk. She had seemed to sense his misgivings and asked him how he was in a voice that made him think immediately of his mother, which had made him feel only slightly better about the situation, considering he was doing this for her to begin with.

Clara had told him at his last visit about how much help she’d been getting from her own therapist to help her deal with Matt’s death. She’d pled with the rest of the family to give it a try, but no one else had taken her suggestion to heart. Danny had wanted her to feel better, by any means necessary, so as a favor to her, he’d booked his first appointment, with every intention of doing it once and never going again.

That had been a year ago. Of course, he’s seen therapists over the years when the needs arose, the most recent being the mandated one with Steve, but this hadn’t been about work. He’d been nervous about opening up on all of his personal issues. It still isn’t easy, but it has helped.

 “How are you today, Detective?” Michelle asks brightly as he makes his way to her.

“Great, Michelle, how are you?”

“Wonderful, thank you for asking, dear. I will let the doctor know you’re here, all right?”

He thanks her and makes himself comfortable one of the three love-seats behind her, arranged in a U-shape around a large square table with assorted (actually up-to-date) magazines scattered on top of it. The warm yellow walls are graced with paintings in light, comforting hues. It makes him feel better to know that, amidst all the changes his life goes through daily, this office stays the same.

 He takes his phone out of his pocket and makes sure it’s on vibrate, though he knows his friends and Grace will only call if it’s absolutely necessary. The sudden urge to text Steve pops in. He ignores it and chastises himself because it’s only been an hour since he last saw him.

“Detective Williams?”

Danny looks up to see Doctor Akamai standing in front of the open door to his office.

 “Hello, doc,” he greets as he stands up and holds out his hand. Doctor Akamai shakes it with a firm, warm grip and returns his greeting. They make their way into the inner office, which is just as welcoming as the lobby. Big, bright windows that have blinds to make the room darker as needed. There is a brown wooden desk, that seems to be a match to the one Michelle uses, in front of the windows and, lastly, there is one large couch on the wall opposite the desk, a chair in front of it for the doctor, ready for today’s session.

“How are you doing today, Detective?” Doctor Akamai asks as they get seated.

“I’m okay. I tried the latest technique you suggested I use the last time I was here, when dealing with Rachel. It did help, so you know, thanks for that.”

“You’re quite welcome,” Doctor Akamai answers, “I’m so glad it helped. You felt less anger toward her, then?”

“Er…well, it helped me be less inclined to express it,” Danny admits. “Does that count?”

Doctor Akamai smiles a little. “You know what I always say, Detective.”

“Ah, right, baby steps. Very long baby steps, considering how long I’ve been working on that.”

“Everyone works at their own pace, you know this as well, I’m sure.”

“Right,” Danny answers, crossing his legs and fiddling his fingers on his knee.

“How about the other matter we discussed at your last appointment, Detective?” Doctor Akamai asks as he consults his notes. “Regarding the feelings that you have about your partner? To use your words: ‘more-than-friendly.’ I recall you had mentioned you might try and have a talk with him about it.”

“Oh,” Danny answers hesitantly. Sometimes, he appreciates the doctor’s tendency to just jump into issues; it gives Danny less time to second guess himself. But right now, he kind of hates it. “Actually, can we just pretend I never brought that up?”

“They were on your mind enough to bring them up in the first place,” Doctor Akamai reminds him gently.

 “Well, yeah, but I’ve decided, well, I guess, I’ve decided not to do anything about it. For now.”

Doctor Akamai tilts his head. “May I ask why? Did you not tell me that these are feelings that you have harbored for quite some time?”

“Sure, but that was before he had an emotional breakdown and cried on my shoulder last week. Now, I just think that telling him ‘Oh hey, Steve, by the way, I might be a little bit in love with you’ might not go over too well right now,” Danny snaps, crossing his arms over his chest and sinking back into the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him.

As usual, the doctor ignores his flash of anger, unflappable as always. “Why do you feel that might be the case? “

“I think…” Danny answers slowly, bringing his arms back down and rubbing his palms across his thighs. “I think we’ve both had lousy luck at life lately. That’s not even counting romantic pursuits. My relationship with Melissa ended shortly after Valentine’s Day, and I know that his relationship with Lynn, if you could call it that, fizzled too…but really, I think…he’s got this girl, okay, her name is Catherine. She is this girl that he’s known for a very long time, that he was involved with, and I think he’s still got feelings for her. No, I know he does. And…I know this sounds selfish, right, but I…don’t want to be a second choice, you know?”

“I understand how you could feel that way, though it’s my opinion that protecting yourself in that manner can hardly be selfish. But let me ask you this, how do you know how he feels about any of that unless you talk to him?”

Danny considers that. “I don’t, but…I guess I’m afraid to find out.”

“Again, that’s understandable.”

Danny just nods, because he isn’t really sure how to broach what he really wants to talk about today. He had hardly intended to get into his feelings for Steve at this session, though he always manages to come up in some manner anyway. But he really wants to talk about what happened in Steve’s backyard last week.

“You mentioned an emotional breakdown,” Doctor Akamai prompts him, once again leaving Danny with the vague feeling that the man can read his mind.

So, he explains what happened, from being invited to Steve’s house, to holding him as he cried.

“…and I just want him to get help, you know? I mean, I’m glad he was able to talk to me about it, finally, but I know the state of our friendship was not the only thing weighing on him. He’s got more, trust me, so much more, and I just…want him to talk to someone about it, someone impartial, because I gotta tell you, doc, I’m definitely not impartial when it comes to him.”

 “I can understand how that might make you feel frustrated,” Doctor Akamai says smoothly. “But you also must realize that you can’t force help on someone who doesn’t want it.”

“No, no, I know that, I do,” Danny insists, “But when he admitted to me, okay, actually said the words ‘I’m not okay’ out loud, I thought that he was ready. And now I don’t know.”

“You’re worried about him.”

“Yeah.” It sort of feels like his default state these days, actually. He knows he’s always been the type to be anxious about the well-being of the people he loves, but after Matt, that got amped up. It’s also something he has been working through with the doctor.

“I just…” Danny takes a deep breath. “He has these faces. And the one he’s been wearing lately…it’s as if he’s in pain all the time. And that’s setting aside all the things we get into as cops. He’s got this girl that lied and left him, and really, I don’t have enough time in the universe to get into his parents.”

“Unless you believe he could become a danger to himself, I suggest you give him time," Doctor Akamai encourages. "You made the suggestion and he seemed to consider it?”

"Yes."

“Then that’s all you can do for right now.”

Danny sighs, dejected. “It doesn’t feel like enough.”

“I understand,” the doctor answers. “But it will have to be until he decides to seek help for himself.”

Danny finishes the rest of his session with relative ease. He’d had a dream about Matt two nights ago he wasn’t sure what to do with. It hadn’t been bad, he doesn’t think, just left him unsettled and unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

“Thank you for coming to see me today, Detective Williams,” Doctor Akamai says, standing and shaking his hand again, forty-five minutes later. “Are the bi-monthly appointments still working for you? You are, of course, absolutely welcome to call and make an appointment at any time.”

“Yeah, doc, bi-monthly works for me. Thank you very much.” He shakes the doctor’s hand, confirms future appointments with Michelle, and makes his way out to the Camaro. As he gets closer to his parking spot, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and turns vibrate off.

Right away, his phone pings with a text. It’s from Steve, of course, with his impeccable timing.

_Shrimp for lunch?_

Danny bites his lip and shakes his head, amused at the request-slash-demand, because they’ve danced this routine before, many times. _Does the whole team want it, Steven, or are you making an executive decision?_

His phone pings almost right away. _Kono came in and demanded it a while ago. I think she’s making the executive decisions today._

 _As well she should._ Danny answers. _Text me everyone’s orders._

_K…how did your appointment go?_

Danny pauses to think about his response. Steve has always asked how his therapy sessions have gone. Danny is usually sparse on the details, but that was before Steve hadn’t totally shot down Danny’s idea to come with him and he’s not sure how to respond.

Finally, he settles on the usual. He doesn’t want to push, and Doctor Akamai is right…he can’t force him; it will only make Steve run in the other direction.

_Pretty good._

_Good. Here are the orders._ Comes back just as Danny has climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car.

_Got it. Be there soon._

_K…hey….love you._

With a sigh, Danny rests his head on the steering wheel. Ever since that night, Steve has taken extra care, being less snappy and dismissive. Danny has tried even more to pause before he speaks, himself, aware that sometimes his own teasing can come across sharper than he means it to. Something still feels off with them, but he is hoping their friendship is getting back to what it used to be before all hell broke loose, multiple times over.

But Doctor Akamai’s comment suddenly echoes in his memory.

_“How do you know how he feels about any of that unless you talk to him?”_

Danny bites his lip and types back _love you too._

As he drives toward Kamekona’s, he can’t help but think that maybe Doctor Akamai has a point.


	3. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! Thank you for reading!

Today is the type of day Steve would normally hate. 'Paperwork Day' as Danny has previously dubbed it, on the rare occasions days like this actually happen. Besides cases that keep them busy, the tedious work that goes with it is usually low on Steve's list of priorities, which is why Danny has a tendency to do it for him...with much Danny-ranting, of course.

But Danny had scolded them all into getting caught up before he'd left for his appointment, so Steve has spent the last couple of hours actually being productive and listening to the chatter of his team going back and forth between offices to corroborate facts on their own reports. After texting Danny about lunch and to ask about his appointment, he'd gone right back to the next set of forms.

Today, it seems like he’s been allowed to catch his breath. And it feels good.

A small distraction comes in the form of an incoming text.

_Get out here and help me with this food or no one gets anything._

Steve rolls his eyes and laughs. _On my way._

“Danny’s back!” he hollers as he makes his way out of his office.

“Got it!” Kono yells back.

A few minutes later, they’re all gathered around a cheap card table in the bull-pen.

 “So, guys,” Kono begins, popping a piece of shrimp into her mouth. “Adam and I were thinking of a Halloween Party at our place this year.”

“Yeah?” Chin asks, rooting through his own shrimp plate. “Is Adam ready for a big gathering?”

“It was his idea, actually,” Kono answers with a smile. “He thinks Halloween will be a great holiday to get everyone together. I’m going to ask Jerry and Chin, I know Abby is with family on the mainland, but you should bring Sara."

“Sounds like a great idea.” Chin holds his can of soda up. “We'll be there.”

“I’ll check with Renee, but I don’t see why it would be an issue,” Lou agrees.

 “It does sound great,” Danny says, “But, uh, considering how my last Halloween went with my kids, I was kind of set on taking Charlie trick-or-treating while also trying to figure out how to make sure Grace doesn’t sneak off this year and up her trouble-making quota.”

“We were thinking of the party starting around six,” Kono explains. “That would give you some time to take Charlie out, then bring the kids over later.”

Danny’s lower lip pops out as he considers this and Steve ducks his head to hide a smile. Danny likes to tease him about his faces, but Danny has plenty and this one always amuses Steve for reasons he can’t identify.

“That way Grace is also in a house full of various law enforcement officials.”

Kono winks at him. “Exactly, brah.”

Danny winks back with a grin. “That works for me. We’re in too.”

Kono’s smile gets a little less cheerful when she turns to Steve and Steve would be hurt if he didn’t understand why. He knows he’s turned down many an invitation from members of his team lately. But the more he thinks on it, the more he realizes how much he’s missed them. How his isolating himself has made him feel worse, not better.

Steve looks at Danny briefly, who gives him an encouraging, minute nod.

“Sure.” He smiles at Kono, sincere and grateful all in one measure. “I’m in.”

Kono beams and gives him a high five and Steve knows he’s made the exact right decision.

*****

“Hey, you. Crazy person,” Danny demands as he strides into Steve’s office hours later, just as Steve finishes with a check-in call to Governor Mahoe.

Steve rolls his eyes and looks at Danny, schooling his face to try and look as innocent as possible. “Yes, Danny, you rang?”

Danny plants his hands on his hips and laughs. “Don’t do that with your face. It’s scary.”

“Shut up,” Steve quips. “What’s up?”

“I can’t tell you, because you just told me to shut up.”

“Danny,” Steve groans.

Danny smirks. “Kono, Chin and Lou left about a half an hour ago…”

“…yeah, they waved at me as they left, which was a nice reminder that it’s past six, they get to go and I’m still stuck on the phone.”

“Perks of being the boss, babe.”

“Yes, well, for a day that was completely uneventful, she still managed to keep me on the phone for over an hour.”

“Ah, yes.” Danny plops himself into one of the chairs in front of Steve’s desk. “An uneventful day. It was beautiful, I’ve gotta say.”

Steve snorts as he tries to focus on the last incident report on his computer he’d been trying to finish while he’d been talking to Mahoe. Danny is completely distracting, in the best way, but he’s almost done with this damn form. “Danny, all we’ve done today is paperwork.”

“Well, yeah, and really, the fact that we’ve had so much that it’s taken all of us an entire work day is not really a good thing,” Danny points out.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve mutters distractedly.

 “But back to my original point,” Danny says, pointing a finger in the air.

 “I know there had to be one,” Steve teases as he finally fills in the last line. He saves, closes it out, and leans back in his chair, stretching his arms up to get rid of the kink in his back.

“Excuse you, there is always a point when I talk.”

Steve drops his arms and actually laughs out loud at that. “I can’t believe you just said that with a straight face.”

Danny scowls, but there’s no actual heat in it. Danny breaks into a laugh a moment later.

“I hate you. “

“Mmmhmm,” Steve taunts. “Sure you do, Danny.”

Danny scowls at him and Steve suppresses another laugh, because he looks like he’s about to stick out his tongue, exactly like he’s seen Charlie do to Grace. He bites his tongue before saying “Anyway, you had a point?”

“Yes, Steven, thank you for reminding me. As I was saying, today has been a good day, because not a single one of us has been kidnapped, shot and/or shot at or even looked at funny.”

“I look at you funny all the time.”

“That’s because you have a weird face, Steven, okay, we’ve covered this.”

Steve snorts again. “Says the man who-“

Before he can continue, though, his phone rings.

Danny hangs his head. “Noooo.”

Steve shoots him a good-natured glare as he answers it without bothering to look at the screen, assuming it probably is HPD with a case. “McGarrett.”

“Steve, it’s Alicia.”

Steve closes his eyes and wants to mirror Danny’s groan. He can guess why she’s calling. They haven’t had any contact since being checked out by the EMS after getting out of the water, but he didn’t get the feeling that she was one to let things go. This is normally a trait he’d admire in a person. Right now, he just feels weary.

“Alicia,” he says pointedly, to get Danny’s attention. It does the trick and Danny leans closer, leaning his forearms on the desk as Steve carefully puts the phone on speaker and sets it on the surface between them. “What can I do for you?”

“I have a lead on Doctor Gray.”

Yeah, Steve thinks he should have seen this coming at some point.

“Okay,” Steve answers. “Is she back on the island, because I haven't heard any-“

“No,” she interrupts sharply. “I’ve picked up chatter from a contact of mine that she may be on the in the Midwest.”

Danny looks at him in question; he knows Steve has his own contacts keeping a look-out. Steve shakes his head.

 “As I was trying to say, I have had contacts keeping an eye out for her, as well,” Steve says. “I haven’t heard anything concrete. A few vague details on murders that may or may not match her M.O. but-”

“Well, maybe you’re not talking to the right people,” She counters, interrupting him again. “I’ve got us booked on a flight for tomorrow morning. Meet me at the airport by eight.”

Steve closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He feels Danny squeeze his wrist quickly.

“I’m going to need more details before I just leave Hawaii. What kind of lead are we talking about?”

She huffs impatiently. “A man in his 30s killed in Minneapolis. I don’t know yet if he had a criminal record, but it’s something. Are you coming or not?”

Not so long ago, Steve would have said yes. But he remembers his talk with Danny at the beach behind his house, how they talked about Steve’s reckless behavior, and the other ways he can quiet his brain, that he doesn’t need the action and danger to distract him. He remembers how Danny had stated his wish that Steve would realize that it’s okay to take in all the facts before acting…that’s it’s okay to say ‘No.’

He looks at his best friend, sees Danny biting his lip in an effort to keep his mouth shut and let Steve handle it.  

He can tell she has nothing. And he’s heard enough. “No.”

She goes so quiet that Steve is sure that she’s hung up.

“I don’t think you understand what’s at stake here,” she finally says.

“No, I do,” Steve snaps. “I was there when she stabbed both of us in the back, remember?”

She sighs, frustrated and angry. “I figured that would motivate you to want to catch her.”

“And if she were back on the islands, that would be a different story. I’m in no position to pick up and travel across the country on a vague snippet from sources I haven’t verified.”

Silence, again, for a moment, then, “Fine. I’ll do it myself.”

She hangs up without another word.

Steve closes his eyes and leans his forehead wearily on the desk.

“Steve?”

 Steve moves enough to prop his chin on the desk to look at Danny. He’s surprised when he says what looks like pride on Danny’s face.

“You think I did the right thing?”

 “You absolutely did,” Danny confirms. “And, I gotta admit, I’m proud of you.”

Steve frowns. He’s confused, because really, he just told someone that he wouldn’t help them with something important and it’s warring with his instincts. “Why?”

Danny gets off his chair and drags it around Steve’s desk. Steve maneuvers himself to face him. “Listen to me, if that woman actually does have any decent contacts left, I can guarantee she’s done all of her homework on you. She was betting on past…er…instances where you have actually gone off on someone’s request for help without all the facts. And you proved her wrong.”

Steve considers this. “I just…after our talk the other night…I want to be better. I want to feel like hanging out with my friends. And you know what? I want to be here for Kono and Adam's Halloween party.”

Danny smiles, squeezes his knee. “I’m so glad, okay, you have no idea.”

Steve smiles a little wearily. “Like I told her, if Gray had been sighted on the islands, fine, we could investigate.”

“HPD hasn’t heard anything about her either. I checked this morning.”

Steve raises an eyebrow in askance.

“Oh, put the eyebrow away,” Danny chastises. “She stabbed and nearly killed my partner. You don’t think I’m going to put out my own feelers?”

Steve shakes his head, amused. “I should have known.”

“Damn right, you should have.” Danny squeezes his knee one more time before letting go. “So, hey, want to go get a pack of Coke, go to your place and pretend they’re Longboards while we watch crappy movies on Netflix?”

Steve lets out a heavy breath. They both get up from their chairs. “Hell yes. I miss alcohol so much right now.”

“Me too, babe,” Danny agrees, following Steve from the office, a comforting hand patting between his shoulder blades. “Me too.”

 

 

 


	4. Danny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this chapter kind of grew away from me. Steve had a lot to say. Also, as you will probably notice, I'm playing fast and loose with canon. I realize that I technically have this set after 7x4, but that Adam didn't get released until 7x5. Also, I'm making up my own timeline for Steve and Catherine's relationship, since the show has never really gone into it. Basically, I'm using canon to fit my needs. Hope no one minds. Anyway, hope you guys like it and thank you for reading!

“So, Danny.” Marco Reyes crosses his legs, regarding Danny with that smug, self-satisfied smirk of a man who knows he holds all the cards. “How are you, my friend?”

Danny coughs; the air is stale and acrid, the darkness enveloping him is oppressive. He can feel the hardness of the chair he’s sitting on, but can’t move and he doesn’t know why. He’d dearly love to be able to get up and punch this guy in the face.

 “Just peachy,” Danny rasps. He dearly wishes he sounded more confident, but God, the air is threatening to choke him. “Really, I’m great. I’d ask how you are, but I don’t actually care.”

Reyes laughs, throws his head back and lets it loose, like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. All Danny can do is cough.

“Well,” Reyes drawls, “I would ask how your brother is, but we both know the answer to that, now, don’t we?”

Oh, Matty.“ You sick bast-“

He holds up a hand as Danny is overcome by yet another coughing fit. “Please, now, Danny. No need for name-calling. But here’s the thing, just another question, because I really am curious about the well-being of another important man in your life…aren’t you?”

And suddenly the room is bright and Steve’s on the floor between them, far too still and covered in blood and all Danny can do is scream.

“Danny!”

He sits up with a gasp, coughs hard; he feels like he can still taste the room from his dream, the room they were in when he’d gotten Matty’s body back and he can’t stand it. He opens his eyes, notes Steve’s dark living room alight by the glow of the TV and all at once, he remembers their movie marathon, the lateness of the hour, and Steve telling him to just sleep on the couch instead of driving home and coming back to get him in the morning. Grace and Charlie are with Rachel for the next few days, so Danny had readily agreed.

“It’s okay,” a soft, beloved voice says in his ear. Steve wraps an arm around him as best he can, as Danny is sort of still reclining horizontally on the couch. “It’s okay.”

He wraps an arm around Steve’s back and leans in, breathes against Steve’s shoulder to calm himself down.

“Want to talk about it?” Steve asks an indeterminate amount of time later. 

“Not really, but if I don’t it will stick around.” Danny leans back, swipes a tired hand down his face. “Reyes. He had you…and I couldn’t do anything about it….it managed to make me remember how you looked when we found you after you’d killed Wo Fat. It’s one of the worse ones, though that one and variations of it don’t happen that often anymore.”

He sniffs and Steve squeezes his shoulder. “But it still hits hard, trust me, I know. I’m sorry.”

“I know you do and no, Steve, you’ve nothing to be sorry for, okay? In fact, it should be me that’s apologizing. I’m sure I woke you.”

Steve shakes his head with a sigh. “No. I was already awake.”

Danny looks at him carefully. “Why? You okay?”

“Well,” Steve says, a small, humorless smile gracing his lips and Danny hates that smile. That’s the one he had tried to describe to Doctor Akamai and he knows he didn’t do it justice. “Let’s just say you’re not the only one having trouble sleeping tonight. No dreams, just can’t shut my brain off.”

Danny sits back against the couch. Steve follows his lead until they’re both more comfortable, sitting side by side, legs propped against Steve’s coffee table. “I know that feeling, too. We’re a hell of a pair, aren’t we?”

Steve snorts a small amused laugh and Danny is gratified that the face he hates eases just a little. “Yeah, we are.”

They’re both silent, the only noise in the room the humming from the TV, still on low volume.

Danny knows he might have to schedule an early therapy session if the feelings of anxiety that are likely to come from the nightmare don’t ease within the next couple of days.

And now that he’s thinking about his therapist, he also remembers the comment the doctor had made, the one that wanders through his mind when he least wants it to.

_How do you know how he feels about any of it unless you talk to him?_

Danny remembers Steve on the night he had admitted that he wasn’t okay, the courage that must have taken. So, he decides to go for it. Maybe if he can get Steve to open up about Catherine, it could help Danny decide when/if to mention his…more romantic feelings toward his best friend.

“Steve, can I ask you something?”

Steve looks at him, confused, probably wondering why Danny would ask instead of just doing it. “Of course you can.”

Danny grabs the remote and turns the TV off. “Just know that you can tell me to go to hell, you don’t have to answer, but…I just…you haven’t made any mention about going to talk to my therapist, but you’ve been opening up to me more, so I thought I would, you know, ask- “

“Danny, you are kind of freaking me out.” Steve grabs his flailing hands and squeezes them, bringing them down to Danny’s lap and letting go. “Spit it out.”

Okay, then. “Do you miss Catherine?”

Steve blinks. He clearly hadn’t been expecting that. “What?”

“Look, I know she has to be a big part of how you’ve been feeling lately, so I thought I would see if-”

“-you could get me to open up to you about it?” Steve asks, the expression on his face a curious mixture of amused and weary.

“Again, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Steve leans back against the couch, in a mirror of his earlier position, stretches his legs out in front of him. When he gets comfortable, he looks at Danny. “You don’t mind? I haven’t made up my mind about the therapist yet, but…I guess I would like to talk about this.”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“Well, sort of. More like babbled.”

Danny chuckles a little, because that’s not far off. “Yeah, okay, fair enough.”

Steve settles himself even more into the couch as though getting ready for a long story. Danny decides to follow his lead, gets up enough to pull the blanket he'd been covered with and settling it over both of their laps. Steve smiles gratefully then sobers.

“My…relationship with Catherine, is…” Steve starts hesitantly. “It’s complicated.”

“That much I could figure out for myself.”

“I suppose you could.” Steve looks down at the blanket across their laps. “Did I ever tell you how we met?”

Danny shakes his head.

Steve takes a deep breath, as though fortifying himself, then continues. “It was my first year at Annapolis. I was having trouble with some other guys giving me a hard time one night. I was in a bad place, still resentful of my father, separated from my sister. Mostly, I was letting them hassle me. Who do you think comes up, stands in front of me, and shouts at them that if they don’t leave me alone, then she’s going to kick each and every one of them in the balls.”

Danny laughs, he can’t help it. “That is fantastic.”

 Steve smiles, nostalgic. “Yeah. There aren’t too many times that I’ve had someone stand up for me, even then. In high school, I was the nerdy kid who loved Science. So, the idea that this person would come up and threaten men twice her size for me…well, from then on, we were friends. Best friends, actually.

“At the time, she was seeing someone. I can’t even remember his name, now, but I can recall that I didn’t much like him. Not out of jealously or anything, I just didn’t think he treated her very well. About six months after we met, she found out he was cheating on her. And that was the end of that.”

“Please tell me she kicked _him_ in the balls.”

Steve smiles again, apparently enjoying the memory. “No. No, actually, she did one better. She went to the girl he was cheating on her with…and told her the whole story. The girl dumped Cath’s ex and they became friends.”

“Nice,” Danny admires.

“Yeah. Anyway,” Steve continues. “A few nights later, Cath was crying, saying she just wished she could meet someone she could rely on…I kissed her on the forehead…and it…became more.”

Danny doesn’t particularly need those details. “That was the start of your relationship?”

Steve thinks about it. “Not really. It was a comfort thing, I guess. We came to the mutual decision that it was nice, but we didn’t really feel anything romantic toward each other. It never happened again. At least, not while we were in school.”

Steve pauses and it takes everything in Danny to keep his mouth shut for the fear that Steve will realize he’s said too much and clam up. 

“After graduation,” Steve continues, “we both went into intelligence and she met Billy. Our friendship never wavered. In fact, up until well, you, she was the best friend I’ve ever had. It was great, it felt good to have someone in my life I could count on.”

“Soon enough though, I decided to become a SEAL. And for a while, our friendship was emails and spotty phone calls, when, for obvious reasons, we couldn’t talk about anything of any importance. But then, she ended up assigned to my third mission as part of the team with the intel to get us to our targets.

“It had been quite a long time since we’d seen each other. We ended up having dinner and one thing led to another. And that’s when it started.”

“Your romantic relationship,” Danny says unnecessarily. He chastises himself for speaking up, but the self-flagellation is unnecessary. It seems as though, now that Steve’s opened the valve, he’s not ready to close it yet.

 “In a way,” Steve continues. “Like I said, it was complicated, because both of us could still admit that we didn’t have romantic feelings for each other…but it’s that job, you know? The military…it became my life, my whole life, very fast and it was the same for her. We were dedicated to it.

“There are people, of course, who can make it work, have a family, but being that I was a SEAL and she was in a full-fledged career path through Intelligence, that’s a lot of secrets. So…to me, it felt like it simply became another branch of our friendship. The sex was comfortable and fun and I was with someone who knew and understood the discretion that came with the job.

“After that, our relationship continued where we left off every time we managed to get leave in the same place.”

“That didn’t bother you?”

Steve seemed to consider this. “No, I guess not. Honestly, between both of our jobs, we were grateful for whatever time we got. And we learned that we could help each other out when we needed it. Admittedly, as you know, I asked for help more than she did. But at the time, it worked for us.”

“So what exactly changed?” Danny asks.

Steve laughs a little. “You did.”

“Me?” Danny asked, surprised.

“Yeah, you.” Steve looks amused again. “Or did you forget holding your gun on me in my father’s garage?”

“Uh no,” Danny laughs. “Definitely not.”

“I never had any intention of staying, Danny,” Steve admits. “My plan was to stay in Hawaii long enough to get what I needed to catch Hesse and then go back to the SEALS.”

“You never told me that,” Danny scolds, but he decides not to imagine what life would have been like had Steve gone by the original plan. It’s incomprehensible to him, actually.

Steve looks down at his fingers, fiddles with the edge of the blanket. “Working with you guys on that case gave me a taste of something different. I got a taste of what it would be like if the Navy weren’t my sole reason for living. And I liked the idea of giving it a try. So, I chose to stay.”

“How did that work as far as your relationship with Catherine?”

“I loved the idea of her settling here. My new family and my best friend from Military school all in one place. My own hand-picked family.”

Steve shakes his head, looks slightly disgusted with himself. “Saying it out loud, it sounds ridiculous. Of course she needed to find her own life apart from me.”

“It’s not ridiculous,” Danny says.

Steve raises a skeptical eyebrow.

Danny sighs in defeat. “Okay, fine. Yet another part of what you meant by ‘complicated.’”

“Yeah.” Steve stretches quickly, then settles. “Our relationship has never been conventional. It was always just…comfortable.”

“But she didn’t settle here,” Danny prompts. “Afghanistan happened.”

Steve heaves a heavy sigh. “Afghanistan. I can probably say that’s when I realized how much the nature of our relationship had changed. What was something that was reliable and comfortable in the midst of our jobs just wasn’t anymore.”

Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head. Danny reaches up and squeezes his shoulder. “You don’t have to keep talking about this, you know.”

Steve opens his eyes and looks at him. “I want to.”

Danny squeezes him once more, then lets go. “Okay. So, if you felt that way…

“…why did I want to propose?” Steve finishes for him.

“Yeah.”

Steve bites his lip and is quiet again, for a long time.

“I suppose…” he finally says. “I suppose if I mentioned any of this to that therapist of yours, he would say I have some abandonment issues.”

“Babe, I’m pretty sure _I’ve_ told you that.”

“Probably,” Steve agrees. “Anyway, after she called me from Afghanistan told me not to wait for her, I realized we’d grown up and gotten careers and our relationship hadn’t grown with it.

"It couldn’t…because…well, I realized I wanted a life outside of my dedication to my work. A relationship that isn’t defined by it or a low priority below it. After that phone call, I didn’t hear from her again…”

Danny can see where this is going. “Until she showed up for Kono’s wedding.”

Steve nods. “And everything came back. I had come to terms with the change to our relationship the whole time she’d been gone, you know? I missed my best friend, but I was starting able to remember that I wasn’t alone anymore, I wasn’t that scared kid whose Dad sent him away. I had my own family now. But she came back and I realized how much I missed her, how much I wished that we could be as close as adults as we were when we were young.

 “Proposing, at the time, was my way of keeping trying to keep her, I suppose. In the days after she left, it occurred to me that she never would have said yes. She would have pointed out what a horrible idea it was, that we would more than likely be divorced within a year. But I was stupid.”

“Quit that, you aren’t stupid,” Danny chastises gently. “You’re human…a human with some serious issues, yes, but human all the same. And besides, I encouraged it, remember? I wanted you to be happy and if…if marrying her was going to make you happy, then I was all for it.”

Steve laughs gently, then quickly sobers again. “When we found out the real reason she left…I don’t begrudge her that. I even understand it. She wants to stay in that life and I have been living outside of it for the better part of six years. And I want to keep it.”

“I’m glad,” Danny replies. “We want to keep you, too.”

“Thanks,” Steve answers with a soft smile.

“I want to tell you, too, I talked to her, before she left.”

Steve eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Really? About what?”

“You,” Danny answers with a roll of his eyes. “Who else? I just…well, I guess I wanted to know her intentions. Remember when I said that I wanted you to be happy? I’m sorry, I should have mentioned it a long time ago, but- “

“-Danny,” Steve interrupts. “It’s okay.”

“Really?” Danny asks, skeptical.

“Did you know she was planning on leaving then?”

“No,” Danny answers without hesitation. “I would have told you.”

“I know you would have,” Steve replies. “I have never, not once, had cause to doubt you, Danny. So, it’s okay.”

“Okay. But I’m still sorry about your relationship with Catherine. However complicated it was, it was still important to you.”

“Yes,” Steve agrees, “And I still miss her. But I think if I’d allowed myself to realize that we weren’t on the same paths in our lives a lot earlier, I could have dealt with the whole thing better. Our weird friendship worked for us when we were young. Not so much as functioning adults. I can’t very well expect someone to just…meld themselves into my life like that. Friends grow apart sometimes.”

“Well, look at you,” Danny exclaims proudly. “Having therapeutic breakthroughs all on your own.”

Steve bites the smile curling his lips. “Well. You helped me open the door the other night. Maybe you should change careers and be a shrink yourself. Then I could just use you to deal with my issues.”

“You can talk to me any time,” Danny urges. “The reason I suggested the therapist is for impartiality.”

Steve looks bewildered. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in case you, uh, haven’t noticed, I’m not very good at being objective when it comes to you.”

A strange expression comes across Steve’s face. Danny can’t identify it; he’s never seen it before.

“Steve? I know you’ve completely unloaded yourself there. You okay?”

Steve seems to snap out of whatever he’d been thinking about that put the unidentified Steve- expression on his face and smiles at Danny. “Yeah, yeah, I’m all right. It’s weird you know? Talking all that out. There are, uh, some things I hadn’t really been able to put my finger on in my head that…are in clearer focus now.”

Considering how much Steve’s confided tonight, Danny figures he should leave that alone for now.

“Well,” Danny says, looking at his phone. “It’s 2:47 A.M. What do you say we try for some sleep before having to go to work in a few hours?”

“You know,” Steve says, “We haven’t had much of a break lately. As the boss, it would be easy enough to send a text, tell everyone to take the day, just keep their phones on them, just in case.”

Danny grins slowly. “Oh, of course. Have I told you I’m proud of you?”

Steve actually blushes as he sends the text. “Be quiet, it’s just an extra day off.” He finishes with a small flourish that makes Danny grin again. “There. They’ll get it when they get up. Sleep?”

Danny agrees and settles down sideways on the couch once more as Steve stands and turns the TV back on, volume low. Danny’s long since gotten used to the ocean sounds, but the TV still helps him fall asleep. “Good?”

“Perfect. Thanks.”

 Steve leans over and squeezes his shoulder. “Goodnight, Danny. Thank you.”

“Anytime. Goodnight,” Danny mumbles, getting comfortable and closing his eyes. "Love you."

Steve tightens the blanket around him. 

"I love you too" is the last thing he hears from Steve before he's out like a light.

 

 

 


	5. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

_“If you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly objective when it comes to you.”_

Of course he'd noticed. It’s not as though it had been hard to miss. North Korea, Afghanistan…talking to Catherine about her intentions, for God’s sake. And that’s no where near the start of it.

But what Steve hadn’t realized, hadn’t even given himself time to think about, was how he felt when he saw Danny on the other side of the tarp, or on the other side of a suspect, defending Steve or simply standing by Steve’s side nearly every day for the past seven years.

That flutter in his stomach, the way that, even after spending at least 8 hours a day together, Steve still wants to see Danny after. He wants to drag Danny to his house for beers (Or cans of soda, lately. Because Danny donated his damn liver. Steve still can't get over that.) and fish. Or to go to Danny’s while he’s got the kids so they can watch movies and Steve can help Grace with her Science homework.

 _Good God,_ Steve can’t help but marvel… _how the hell had I not known I was in love with my best friend?_

He picks up his phone, sees the time is now 5:07 AM.

He huffs out a breath of frustration, throws back the sheets and climbs out of bed.

He makes his way carefully and quietly down the stairs, out to the living room. The TV is still on and Danny is in the same position he was when Steve left him a couple of hours ago.

He’s snoring softly, hair a mess and drool on the pillow. Steve watches for a moment or two, smiles ruefully at himself for standing here like this and makes his way back to bed.

*****

He’s woken up a few hours later by the smell of coffee wafting up from the kitchen. It's familiar and wonderful and it makes Steve smile despite the feelings whirling around inside him. He drags himself out of bed and down the stairs, stops in the doorway and watches Danny in his kitchen, a skillet with pancakes cooking swiftly on the stove top as he pours coffee into two mugs.

This is not the first time this has happened. Danny has spent plenty of nights over the years, when Danny didn't have Grace, and later, Charlie. There has even been the understanding that if one of them couldn’t sleep, they would text the other, with the unspoken agreement that if the other didn’t answer, there was no hard feelings. It was hard enough to get sleep that they would never begrudge each other if they’d managed to get some, but there had been many a time when Steve would end up at Danny's or vice-versa. 

“Hey!” Danny exclaims when he spots Steve standing in the doorway. “I was starving, so I thought I’d make us breakfast. I even have your butter for your coffee over-are you all right?”

He’s not really sure how to answer that. Part of him wants to tell Danny everything, tell him that he would be happy to wake up to exactly this for the rest of his life, only with Danny getting up from the other side of the bed instead of the couch. The other part of him wants to run from the situation and not complicate one of the best relationships he’s ever had.

“Steve?”

Steve starts out of reverie to see that Danny is looking at him, head tilted, spatula in hand, a concerned look across his face. Steve does his best to smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m, uh, I’m okay.”

Danny nods hesitantly, and Steve can’t tell he doesn’t believe him for a minute.

“You look tired,” Danny points out.

Steve snorts out a laugh before he can stop it. “Is that a nice way of saying I look like crap?”

“Nah,” Danny smirks and turns back to the pancakes. “I would just tell that you look like crap.”

“That’s true,” Steve agrees. He can’t help the soft, fond smile he feels curling up the corners of his lips as he watches Danny finish the pancakes.

He’s so confused. Should he just…tell Danny? Then what? And considering that he spent a good portion of last night tell him about his relationship with someone else, would Danny think he’s some sort of rebound?

And he may be unsure of the next steps, but he knows his feelings for Danny could never be temporary...and there’s one thing off his mental list; he can’t run. Standing here watching Danny…he wants this. So much. He’s just got to figure out his next move.

“Babe, are you sure you’re okay?” Danny is setting a plate of pancakes on the center island. “If you don’t want the pancakes, that’s okay…I can just put them in the fridge for later or something.”

Steve shakes his head, mentally chastising himself. Until he figures out what he’s going to do, he needs to get his behavior under control. He doesn’t need Danny worrying about him unnecessarily.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired. Still didn't sleep well,” Steve answers honestly. 

Danny grimaces. “That sucks. Is it because you regret tell me all of that about Catherine?”

“No,” Steve quickly denies, truthfully. “No, I hadn’t really realized how much that was all weighing on me until you asked me about it. I just…have some other things on my mind.”

“Okay,” Danny nods slowly. Steve can tell he’d like to poke more, get it all out of him, but he doesn’t and Steve is grateful. “You want to talk any more, I’m here.”

“I know, and I will, I promise.” Steve holds up a hand. “Scout's honor.”

Danny laughs. “All right, okay. So, pancakes?”

Steve smiles genuinely. “They look great.”

As they eat in a comfortable silence, Steve checks his phone and sees happy texts from the team, thanking him for the day off. He responds quickly, telling them to have fun today and he will see them tomorrow. Then he pauses, and before he can think better of it, he sends one more text.

“Everything good?” Danny asks.

“Yeah,” Steve responds. “Just Lou, Kono and Chin letting me know they got the text.”

“Man, I bet Kono and Adam are especially grateful. The day will be good for them.”

“Yeah it will,” Steve answers. “So hey, I have some errands to run today that I’ve been putting off. Want to meet up later?

“Sure,” Danny agrees readily. “I think I will go get some grocery shopping done, actually. The kids will be with Rachel again tonight, so it will be just you and me. Let me know when you’re ready?”

That gives Steve quite a bit of time to figure out how to handle this, so it works for him.

He smiles. “Perfect.”

*****

It’s almost 11 AM and the diner is quiet for this time of day, so when Steve walks in, he immediately snags a booth in the back.

“What can I get you, honey?” A waitress asks.

“Two coffees for right now, thank you,” Steve answers.

She nods and walks off with to fulfill the order.

A few minutes later, Chin drops into the booth on the opposite side.

“Hey,” Chin greets him, “Everything okay? Your text to meet was pretty vague.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” Steve answers. “But thank you for meeting me, I hope I didn’t interrupt any plans you may have made for you and Sara.”

“Hadn’t really had a chance to cement anything yet,” Chin responds. “She’s with Kono at the moment.”

Steve freezes. “You told Kono you were meeting me?”

Now Chin really looks concerned. “Your text caught me on the way to start some errands, actually, so no, she doesn't know. Steve, what’s going on?”

“Oh," Steve says nervously. "Uh, do you want anything to eat? I dragged you down here, food’s on me.”

Chin just looks at him patiently.

Steve takes a deep breath…and says as he exhales:

“I’minlovewithDanny.”

Chin tilts his chin. “Want to run that by me again?”

Steve rubs a kink out of his neck, fixes his gaze to some point behind Chin’s left shoulder, and tells him everything, well an abridged version of it anyway, considering how long it had taken to spill everything to Danny last night.

It's still pretty lengthy and when he’s finally done, Chin is sitting back in the booth, looking amused and not at all surprised.

Damn it.

“Well,” Chin says slowly, taking a sip of his coffee. “That’s…wow…”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Stop. Does everyone know?”

Chin shrugs. “It’s not as though we sit around the office discussing you and Danny, but…Yes. Yes, we do.”

Steve drops his head into his hands with a groan. “How the hell did it take me so long to figure it out?”

Chin sets his coffee cup back down. “Look, it’s like you said. You have abandonment issues, which considering your parents, is not all that surprising. Then you add a best friend who, not only decided that she was happier being a spy, but she lied to you about it when she did it. I think I can see why you might have had other issues clouding this.”

 Steve frowns. “I understand why she did it. I’m not mad about that.”

“Steve,” Chin leans forward, rests his forearms on the table. “You may understand _why_ she did it. That doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt by the _how._ ”

Steve is quiet a long moment as he considers this. Chin is exactly right.  The rational side of him, the one who’s had to keep the secrets, understands what it means to do so.

Steve knows that they were never meant to be long-term romantic partners, but the other part of him that had thought they still had a strong friendship can't help but wonder whether she'd even bothered to think of ways to tell him the truth.

It feels like there are just too many parts of him these days. He doesn't know what to do and that feeling isn't sitting well.

“Why is it that you guys can see the things I can’t?” Steve wonders, shaking his head.

“We're your friends. We care enough to find out,” Chin answers gently. “And also, that extensive military training to compartmentalize probably had something to do with it, as well.”

“That might, yeah,” Steve responds. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he really just wants to be friends?”

Chin actually laughs at that, then sobers quickly when he sees the frown on Steve’s face. “Sorry, Steve, I’m sorry, but, really. The only ones who haven’t had this conversation are the two of you. Preferably, it would be better for all of us if you would just have it. You know, with each other.”

Steve shakes his head, can’t help but laugh a little. “I did spend the better part of the night talking about a relationship with someone else. What’s he going to think?”

“He's Danny. There's no predicting him," Chin says fondly. "My advice to you would be: don’t over-think it. If you do, you'll just drive yourself crazy. Pause and think. What do you want to do?”

Steve considers this. “I want to tell him.”

“Why?”

Steve looks at him. “You sound like the therapist Danny suggests I should see. Between you and him, I’m not sure I still need one.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Chin counters. “I saw one after Malia died.”

“I know you did. And it helped you, too?”

“For a while. It doesn’t work for everyone, but you don’t know until you try. Never hurts to get help where you can.”

“I guess,” Steve says hesitantly. “You asked why I want to tell him?”

Chin tilts his head and waits him out.

“Because…because I want to be happy. And I think…it’s time to let myself _be_ happy.”

Chin smiles like he’s just given the right answer to a difficult theorem. Which, Steve has to admit, isn’t that far from the truth.

“Thank you, Chin,” Steve says gratefully.

“Anytime, Brah,” Chin answers, still smiling. “Consider it payback for all those late nights you let me talk your ear off.”

“We’re family,” Steve says simply.

“We are,” Chin confirms.

“Go,” Steve demands good-naturedly. “Do something with your niece. I’ve got a bit of thinking to do.”

Chin leaves the booth and makes his way out of the diner with one last friendly squeeze to Steve’s shoulder.

Steve sighs and leans his forehead on his hands. When the waitress comes over to ask his if he wants anything else, he asks for another cup of coffee.

As she walks away, his phone pings.

 _I’m ready when you are,_ Danny’s text reads.

Steve reads the text two, three times. He wants to show Danny he’s all in, wants there to be no doubt...

_"Don't over-think it."_

It comes to him then. He knows what first step to take.

He smiles and texts back:

_I’ll be there soon._


	6. Danny

There are many things that Danny wants in his life. He wants his children to be safe, healthy and happy. He wants a really, really good piece of pizza. He wants to drive his Camaro every once in a while. He wants to be with the man who won’t let him drive his Camaro…okay, he can admit that not every one of his wants make a lot of sense.

But what Danny wants _, right at this very moment_ , is for Kono to stop laughing at him.

Danny crosses his arms over his chest, lower lip poking out. After he’d left Steve to do his errands, he’d called Kono and asked to meet. She’d told him to meet at the Park by Kamekona’s as she is watching Sara while Chin runs errands of his own. He’d agreed.

But as she snorts out another laugh, Danny finds himself sorely regretting this decision.

“Sorry,” She says through giggles. She takes a few deep breaths and finally manages to get herself under control. “I’m sorry, Danny, but…”

And she breaks into giggles again.

“Oh, for Fu- “He quickly remembers the kids all over the place and corrects himself, “-Fudge’s sake, Kono.”

“I’m sorry!” she exclaims as she stops giggling again. “But I just think that it’s so funny that you think telling me that you’re in love with Steve is actual news.”

Danny chews his upper lip. “You’re ridiculous, you realize this, right?”

She shrugs, vestiges of amusement still curling the corners of her lips. “That may be true, Brah, but _you_ called _me._ ”

He drops his arms and sinks back into the bench. They watch Sara slide down a slide for a moment or two.

“Okay,” Kono says gently, laying a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m really sorry for teasing, I promise. What’s wrong?”

Danny considers this. “Well, nothing is wrong, per se, but…Steve and I had a very long conversation last night…about his relationship with Catherine. And don’t tell him I told you!”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “Of course not. How did that go?”

“Good, I think,” Danny answers. “I mean, he seemed better this morning. Less tense. But…”

When he doesn’t continue, she squeezes his shoulder again. “But…?”

Danny sighs. “See, the thing is, I want to tell him, you know, about my feelings for him. But I’m just not sure if now is the right time.”

“Okay,” Kono answers, leaning back and resting an elbow on the back of the bench. “So you want me to tell you it’s the right time?”

Danny bobs his head. “Can you?”

Kono laughs a little, bringing her hands up in surrender when Danny frowns. “I’m not laughing at you, I swear, but Danny, if relationships, and people, were that easy, I wouldn’t have spent the last year visiting my husband in prison.”

“Fair enough,” Danny concedes. “But he’s important to me. My friendship with him is so important to me. And for me to take that risk on uncertainty…I’m just not sure. Do I tell him and risk it? What if I tell him, we, you know, start dating, and it doesn’t work out, then what?”

Kono throws her hands up in exasperation. “You could tell him and you could be _happy_ , Danny. Happy. What if it’s…okay, I don’t want to say ‘perfect,’ you know relationships aren’t perfect, but what if it’s worth it all?”

Danny looks at her. “You’d know plenty about that, too, wouldn’t you?”

“I would, yes.” She winks at him. “Here’s a thought. Why don’t you just stop thinking and just do something about it?” She sees the look on his face and holds up a hand to forestall the coming argument. “Yes, yes, you’ve stated all the reasons that would be a bad idea. But how about all the reasons it would be a good one?”

Danny chews on the inside of his cheek. “Okay, okay, say I do tell him. What would be the best way to do that?”

Kono shrugs. “Jump him. Can’t misunderstand anything there.”

“Kono!” he answers, horrified.

She laughs at him again. “How about you start simple? Ask him out for dinner.”

“We do that all the time,” Danny points out.

“Right, but that usually includes beer and pizza on one of your couches, right?”

“Yeah,” Danny admits. “When I don't have the kids. And when we aren’t going to Sidestreet, or taking the kids to Kamekona’s.”

Kono rolls her eyes. “He helps you take the kids to dinner.”

“And usually pays….” Danny says absently.

Kono smacks him on the arm. “And you think he doesn’t return your feelings?!”

“Maybe…he just…really likes kids…?” Danny responds, knowing how weak that is, because really, for all that Danny likes to nag that Steve’s cheap, the man has never hesitated to take his wallet out for Danny’s kids, when he certainly doesn't have to. 

“He _loves_ them,” Kono insists. “And he loves _you_ , you moron."

“Name calling isn’t very nice, you know,” Danny points out, still working through what she’s saying. He is tired of feeling uncertain about this. All of the things Kono is saying are things that Doctor Akamai has pointed out, and now he feels like his thoughts are going in constant circles. But he'd wanted to talk about this to a friend, maybe get a little push. Kono is definitely giving him that and he loves her for it. Now, if he could just get his mind to shut up.

“You’re being one.” Kono says firmly. “Listen to me, Danny, if you don’t tell him, I might...accidentally...let something slip.”

Danny narrows his eyes at her. “You wouldn’t _dare_.”

She smirks. “Try me.”

Danny sighs. "I only have myself to blame for this."

She leans over and pecks him on the side of the head in apparent agreement. “As I was saying, make it romantic, you know? No cheap beer and pizza. Go all out.”

Romantic…Danny thinks he can do that. Ideas are starting to form. And if he wants to make it to the grocery store any time soon, he’s going to have to do it now, before he gives himself time to talk himself out of it. 

“Thank you,” Danny says gratefully. “I’m sorry I interrupted time with Adam.

“You’re one of my best friends, Danny,” Kono admonishes. “He doesn’t mind. And besides, I gave him a to-do list for the Halloween Party to take care of. That’s in three days and I don’t think we’re anywhere near ready.”

“Nice,” Danny chuckles. “I love you, you know.”

She smiles. “I know. I love you, too. Now, go make yourself happy, okay?”

“I will,” he says. She winks at him again and goes to collect Sara.

He lets his plans simmer in his head for another moment or two, before he gets off that bench, determined to do exactly that.

*****

He’s got the ingredients for dinner gathered on the counter. Considering it’s early in the afternoon, he knows it’s really early, but he figures that if Kono is absolutely wrong, and this does go bad, he hasn’t actually made the food yet and no one is storming off into the night.

He goes to the small table that he uses as a dining table and scrutinizes it for, what seems like, the fourth time since he got home and texted Steve. It’s been over an hour now and he thinks he might actually be going crazy. He’s trying to decide if the candles he’d put in the center of the table are overkill when there’s a knock on the door.

He freezes with a frown. He’s not expecting any one besides Steve, and if it is Steve, why would he knock? Danny is kind of glad he did, he’s still trying to decide about the damn candles, but he can’t remember the last time Steve has bothered to knock.

He walks toward the door, pauses just before it to straighten his tie and button the jacket of the suit he’s wearing. He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

“Hey, you…”

But his words have died in his throat as he gets a look at Steve.

He looks gorgeous in a blue suit Danny knows he’s seen before, but gets dazzled by every time. The dark blue of the jacket coordinates beautifully with the light blue of the shirt…

…and the navy and light blue striped tie lying against it.

Danny feels the flutter in his stomach, recognizes it as hope. Steve is voluntarily wearing a tie…is it possible that he and Steve were thinking along the same lines?

“Hi,” Steve says with a shy smile. When Danny continues to stare, Steve fidgets a little, bringing a hand up to the top button on his suit jacket. And then, as though he’d forgotten it’s there, he holds up the other hand, the one holding a bottle of wine.

“Um, Danny,” Steve actually looks over his shoulder, as though Danny must be looking at someone else. “You okay?”

Danny clears his throat. “Yeah…you look…”

There’s that shy smile again. “Yeah…about that... I had something to talk to you about and I thought this would be a good way to set the mood.”

“Mood,” Danny croaks, because seriously, there’s no way this can go so right, so quickly. Maybe Steve is here to tell him that Catherine is back in town, they’re getting back together and Steve is just stopping by to let him know.

“Yeah,” Steve answers slowly. “Can I come in? It’s warm out here.”

Danny backs away, holds the door open and tells himself that Kono is right. He is a moron. If he doesn’t get his act together, he’ll never _know_. And seeing Steve in that suit, with a bottle of wine in his hand…God, he really, really wants to know.”

Steve passes him with a little smile. Danny watches as he makes his way to Danny’s little kitchen, sets the bottle of wine on the counter, before turning and crossing his arms over his chest, looking a little more confident, as though he’s getting a little confirmation of his hope, too.

“You look great, Danny,” Steve says quietly.

Danny stupidly looks down at himself. “Yeah, see, I had something to talk to you about, too.”

Steve stands a little straighter. “Yeah?”

Danny nods and steels himself, but that last little voice of dissent in his head is voicing its doubts.

“You go first,” he insists.

Steve nods as though he understands and walks toward Danny a little, sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants. He stops and looks at Danny for a moment, eyes scanning his face as though looking for something. Danny refuses to take his gaze away, wanting Steve to know that it’s okay. Whatever happens, they will always be okay.

Their silent communication is still as good as it ever was, because Steve takes a deep breath and says:

“I’m in love with you,” Steve says carefully, as though afraid Danny will misunderstand.

“Steve,” Danny says on an exhale. He moves toward Steve this time, until he’s standing close enough to touch him. Everything he’s been wanting to say for longer than he’s ever admitted is on the tip of his tongue.

But Steve doesn’t stop talking. In a mimicry of last night, it’s as though, now that Steve has started, he can’t stop.

“And I have it on good authority that you feel the same way… and on the off-chance my source is completely wrong, that’s fine, well, not fine, but we can go back to what we were before, no strings, but God, Danny, I had to tell you.

 “I want to be happy,” Steve says, his voice a low rasp. “And on the off-chance that my source is right, you do feel the same way about me, then I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here. I had so much to work out in my head, I know you know that-”

“Steve,” Danny tries again, because the idea that Steve still isn’t sure, doesn’t know…it’s incomprehensible to him now.

But Steve barrels on. “But I get it now, okay? I get it, how much I trust you and depend on you. How much I want to be around you all the time, around your kids and I…I know I have issues. I made an app-mmph.”

Steve has finally stopped talking. Mostly because Danny has given him no choice. It’s hard to keep up the litany of words when someone is trying to kiss you.

Steve doesn’t hesitate for a moment. He bends down slightly as Danny moves up on his tip-toes, wraps his arms around Danny’s waist as Danny’s arms wrap around Steve’s neck. Soft and chaste, but oh-so-sweet, the kiss is everything Danny was both expecting and not expecting all at the same time.

And if that isn’t a succinct summary of their entire relationship, he doesn’t know what is.

The kiss ends but Danny is in no hurry to leave their embrace, and Steve doesn’t seem to be either.

“Oh,” Steve breathes gently, forehead against Danny’s.

Danny can’t help a small nip to Steve’s lower lip. “Yeah, babe. ‘Oh.’”

Steve’s smile is incandescent. “I mean, when I saw you, I thought you might, but there was that little voice and…Oh, thank _God_.”

Danny laughs. “Who is this mysterious source of yours? I will have to thank them.”

“Chin,” Steve admits, giving Danny a squeeze. “I needed someone to talk to and it couldn’t be you, clearly…what, why are you laughing?”

“Because,” Danny laughs against Steve’s shoulder. “Because I met with Kono about _you_. Only she was babysitting Sara because she said Chin had ‘errands’ to run.”

Steve consider this. “Chin said Kono didn’t know.”

Danny pulls back to look at Steve’s face. “Does it matter?”

“No,” Steve says with no hesitation.

Danny smiles. “Good. Because she does know. Now, whether they played us…at this point, I don't really care.”

“Same here.” Steve presses a kiss to his forehead. “So, what now?”

“Well,” Danny answers slowly. “I was planning to make you my Ma’s lasagna for dinner…if this went well.”

Steve’s eyes are sparkling with amusement and affection and wow, Danny can’t believe he’s never been able to put a description to that particular facial expression before now, but with everything out in the open, he knows he has seen that face many times over the years. He amends his earlier thought: Kono was a little wrong earlier; they're _both_ morons.

“It’s pretty early for dinner,” Steve points out, biting his lip and eyeing Danny’s mouth.

“It is,” Danny concedes, licking his lips in anticipation. “I have a few ideas to pass the time until then.”

“I’ll bet,” Steve answers with a chuckle, smile gorgeous and glowing.

“We were so _stupid,_ ” Danny says, leaning up and Steve leans down.

Steve laughs against him and as their lips meet on a smile, Danny knows he hasn’t felt this good in years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little epilogue left, which should be up in a couple of days. :-) Thank you for reading.


	7. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! Thank you very much for my second warm welcome to writing McDanno. You guys are great. Thank you very much for reading!

When they pull up to a non-descript office building, Steve carefully reaches over and turns off the engine. He’s spent the last three days being alternately happy as he’s ever been with Danny, discovering the dynamics to their new relationship and anxious about today.

“Grace says Charlie’s changed his mind again. Now he wants to be Mario.”

Steve starts a little and glances at Danny, who’s looking at his phone with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

“From Super Mario Brothers?” Steve asks with a grin, anxieties momentarily forgotten. Grace had managed to pick out her costume with no problem. Charlie, however, in the spirit of the toddler he is, can’t make up his mind.

“Yep. He was watching Grace play Mario Kart with her friends the other day and now has his heart set on it, apparently.” Danny shoots off a quick text to Grace. “Hopefully that’s the end of it.”

“He’ll change his mind at least once more before trick or treating tonight,” Steve points out.

 “I know, I know,” Danny grumbles, putting his phone back in his pocket as best he can from his position in the passenger seat. “He’s changed his mind about five times. We’re gonna have to be firm with him.”

'We.' Steve loves that ‘we.’ It’s not as though Danny has never included him in plans with his kids. In fact, Danny has taken great effort to include him. But part of figuring out this new facet of their relationship had been telling Grace and Charlie, which had happened the afternoon after their first night together.

Grace had said “So, nothing’s changed then?” and went back to texting on her phone. Danny had blinked owlishly at her for a moment and that had been the extent of the conversation.

“So,” Danny begins, shaking Steve out of his reverie. “What’s the verdict?”

And it comes crashing back to Steve, where they are and why they’re here.

 “I’d been hoping Kid Conundrums would distract you,” Danny says when Steve doesn’t answer. “But you have that look on your face again, so it clearly didn’t work.”

Steve bites the inside of his cheek, but still doesn’t say anything. Danny’s phone pings again, and knowing that it’s probably Grace, Steve turns his gaze back to the building.

But it’s not the upcoming appointment that is suddenly on his mind. Instead he’s thinking about the morning after their lasagna dinner. They’d woken up, arms around each other as the sun shone through the windows. It was the first time in a long time that Steve had felt no need to rush out for a workout first thing in the morning.

When he had finally gotten around to telling Danny about the appointment, he’d explained that it was intended to show Danny that he was ready to be better, to take other steps in his life to be happy. Danny had told him how proud he was, but he’d also wanted to make sure Steve knew that it wasn’t a deal-breaker.  

Then there was the talk with Grace and Charlie, which Steve had only been a little nervous about, but when Steve thinks back on it, he supposes Grace had a point. Not much is going to change with their relationship. 

Now he's thinking about last night, when Grace had asked him to help her with her Science homework. As they’d sat at Steve’s kitchen table, Charlie had trailed a toy car along Steve’s arms, making little engine sounds while Danny laughed, watching them fondly from the other side of the table.

And after Grace and Charlie had gone to sleep, they’d settled in bed, side by side. Danny had held Steve’s face, seen the anxiety that had been held at bay while he’d been around the kids, and once again told him that he wasn’t going anywhere, whether Steve went through with it or not.

“Grace said she thinks this really is the last change-of-mind. She had to go back to class, but she said she’d see us when we pick her up later.”

“Okay,” Steve answered, gaze still outside the window as he considers what to do.

 “Steve,” Danny implores with a squeeze to his knee. “Why don’t we go get some breakfast instead, okay? You really don’t have to do this.”

Steve knows that. He does. But he can’t stop thinking about his family. “We’re going trick or treating, tonight,” he says slowly, his gaze moving to the steering wheel. “And then we’re taking the kids to Kono and Adam’s party.”

“We are.” Danny grabs Steve’s hand and interlaces their fingers.

“I…” Steve takes a deep breath, turns his head and looks at Danny. “I love you and Charlie and Grace. So much. I…don’t want to wake up and find one day that I’ve spent so much time in my head that I’ve missed moments like last night. Helping with homework and playing with Charlie. You guys are my family. You and the team. My Ohana. Doing this could help, right?”

“It could,” Danny responds. “And if it doesn’t, well, then we look at our options.”

There’s that ‘we’ again. Steve nods and brings Danny’s hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“I love you, too. A lot.” Danny says softly. “Remember that, okay?”

“Always,” Steve responds with a little smile. He leans over the center console for a kiss, which Danny happily grants. Then they both get out of the truck and make their way to the front door of Doctor Akamai’s office. Steve holds the door open for Danny, pressing a hand to the small of his back as he follows him inside.

“Hello!” Michelle says brightly. “Commander McGarrett, welcome! Here are some forms for you to fill out.”

They both return her greeting and Steve takes the forms. He and Danny sit on one of the couches in the waiting area and when Steve is finished with the paperwork, he brings them back to Michelle.

She takes them from him with a friendly smile. “Thank you. Doctor Akamai will be with you in a moment. Are you ready?”

Steve looks at Danny, who gives him a wink, then back at Michelle.

“Yeah,” He responds, a soft smile curling the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

End


End file.
